I haven been blogging for such a long time. Sigh. Sorry bout' that. But i was not in the mood to and there isn't much to update about recently.

My puppy's doing fine, getting fatter and fatter each day. n_n

As for me, I wasn't doing fine in any ways. Why? Because of $, family and school. Let me say about school first.

I was barred from all(except one) last semester due to my bad attendances. This semester's debar list coming out soon. Doesn't even have to look at the list I know jolly well I was once again barred. Yes, all again. =/ I once asked my FT about the retaking of exam papers, she said i have to wait till earliest next year's January intakes' exams and i can then take with them otherwise i have to wait till next year's July or maybe even longer. And lets add this semester into the picture. If I'm barred for this semester too, does'nt it mean that i have to take another 1 additional year to just to retake my exams? Waste of time isn't it? Besides, I have no confidence in passing all the exams although I did fairly well for my last CA. And another problem to add to "school", I have almost totally lost interest in the course. You might wonder, "then why you take it last year for?". Well, I AM interested in this course or rather REALLY AM interested in this course LAST YEAR but sadly no more for now. Somehow i feel like achieving this cert for this course(quite a easy course though), but again seeing newspaper's recruit section you'll often see employing ppl on IT programming stuffs plus trainings and u tend to get salary for it too, so why am i still studying and not getting any $ from anywhere whereas i don't even know if my course will help me in any ways in that particular market or not. Dilemma. And after saying all these what I'm trying to say is that i dunno if i should continue my studies and wait to die(because of financial and family problems), or quit now and go work to settle all the problems(if possible) asap. What should i do?

Sigh. Now about family.

My dad's business is doing from bad to worse. Not only we don't earn any money, we got to fork out alot of money to pay the rental & everything just for the stall. My parents suffered a big loss for selling my old house and buying this "new" one. Honestly, my parents owe quite a few relatives and close friends alot of money because of the house and the stall. And sadly when i went out with my mum yesterday, she told me she have sold/pawn almost all her precious jewellery which are all bought with her own savings and some are memorable too(her dowry, her jewellery that she bought before she married to my dad) just to pay the debts which are all owed by my dad not her. I see her suffering this much, it really hurts me. There, idea of quitting school stucks my head again. I was thinking if i can find a permanent job with salary around 1k per month i can give my mum a hundred or two so that she can buy some things that she like. Because of the bad business, my dad is unable to pay my house's bills(telephone, electrical, misc) and often get to see the pink coloured reminder letter for the bills being sent to my house. And in the end who paid for these bills? My mum of course. She went around borrowing money from her friends. And my dad? He doesn't even know how to appretiate my mum's kindness, sometimes even have the cheek to ask my mum to borrow from her friends to help him pay up the bills. He doesn't even dare to borrow from my grandma. What a man! Sometimes when i comment about my dad, because I'm really very disappointed in him, my mum will turn to scold me! What the hell! But nowadays seeing my mum so pity and i couldn't help at any ways I really feel so guilty and sad. Maybe quitting school and look for job is the best way to help her abit. Nahx not my dad, I won't help him. I have told him to close the business down and he doesn't take my advice so i won't be bothering about him much anymore.

Lastly, my own problems which are driving me crazy. Bills. My bills and bills that are not mine too. I just paid $87 last week for my Internet and SCV bills. And I just received my hp bills of 2 months of $104. And my ex's bills of $152 every month(till sept must pay up all) must be paid on the 5th. Both bills crash at the same week. And i only haf my very last savings of $100 to use. I don't know which should i really pay first. If it wasn't for this bloody bill, I wouldn't be suffering so much. My monthly allowance might be alot to most students out there but to me it wasn't even enough. A month of $350 to $400 of allowance, 3/4 or more went to pay my bills and that bloody bill, the remaining will be used for my puppy's food and so. You might be thinking why 3/4? Its because $152(bloody bill) + another $150+ for Internet/SCV/hp will add up to a $300++ & I'm left with sometimes a $50 to most $100 for the whole month. As most people know, I love my pets like crazy. So i rather starve then seeing them starve, so end up i usually don't eat outside/much or did'nt even eat at all sometimes just to save up some money so that i can buy some treats or their food for them. A week more to the date of that bloody bill but I don't even have 1/5 of the amount of money to pay up. Don't think anyone will believe but I really went to Ca$h Converters to sell some of my stuffs to earn some extra allowance for myself last month and now i have nothing valuable to sell already. I'm really at my wits' end.

Sigh.

Guess maybe I really have to quit school. It wasn't what I expected. But I don't have any better choices to choose from, do I? Sigh. I'm depressed. Tired. Stressed. On the edge of breaking-down. And.. I really wanted to buy another puppy(a female 1). Guess that dream won't be coming true. )=

Sign Off.
super depress LuBBy.