* you broke my heart * [ßåßÿ£ûßßÿ]

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Its been a long time I have a "real" dream. I just have had one "real" dream. I don't know to consider this dream as a sad dream or a happy dream. Cause' it have no ending. I think this dream deserved to have a post in my bloggy although its "ji teh ji teh". And here's the dream..

One day, suddenly I received a sms from my EX. He requested to meet up and if possible a patch. Of course, I rejected. But he keep pestering me & so I agreed to meet him up one day. And on the day I meet him(on the train), I saw my bf. All the while I did not tell him about my EX, his sms and etc.. I was in a lost when I saw my bf. I'm in between my EX and my bf. I'm lost of words. My EX as usual with the "si-beng" character wanted to beat up my bf and keep scolding him. My bf as he is more gentle(si wen), he of course did not want to start a fight with my EX. After the "quarrel", my bf ask me to accompany back home as he have something(the dream end w/o knowing what the "something" is :S) to give me. So I followed him & leaving my EX behind.

We reached his condo and he says wait for him awhile and so I did. I was so embarrassed and guilty as I somehow betray him(this is what I feel). I feel like crying. I walked around the outside of his condo. And when he come down, he failed to see me anywhere I think I walked alittle too far. I don't know if is it because I don't want to face him as I feel that I have let down on him or I'm still in dilemma/lost. He later on sms-ed me. Saying he know what to do, he decide to give up. I was at the edge of breaking down. Suddenly, my EX called and ask me out again. And I agreed(too sad alr anyhow agree -_-"). We meet up somewhere and we start chatting or rather he's the one who's "chatting". He requested for a patch. I was shocked and I did not reply nor agree. He self-assumed that we have patched up. I was cold towards him all the while eng-siew-ing("entertain") him. His looks and style might have changed but his hack-care and take-for-granted character is still there. I'm greatly disappointed. I wanted to ask him if he thinks that I'm "good" I'm the one he can be together with for the end of his life, etc, den WHY did he leave me? And why he look for me when knowing I have a bf already and he have so many EXs WHY don't he go and look for them. Why me? If he really "loves" me, den WHY he don't want me at the first place? WHY he treats me this way? So many WHYs but theres not a single answer to it. I'm just disappointed. Sad. Lost. Unhappy.

One day, I was with Adeline at a bus stop waiting for bus to go somewhere. I was holding on the only neoprint of me and my bf(all the rest of the photos are taken with hp :S) and keep staring at it. Adeline said: "Keep staring at the photo for what?! He's the one who want to break what!" I ignore her. The bus we are waiting for, came. Adeline grab my hand with one hand and the other snatched away my neoprint and throw it on the bench and she pull me up the bus. I was.. Shocked! I'm going to cry! The bus enterance door closed. The bus start moving. I was leaning on the window staring at the photo that was left behind and suddenly I decided to stop the bus and retrieve back my neoprint! i try to force open the door but its too tight and heavy. The bus driver scold me for my actions and i scolded him back and ask him to open the door immediately or i'll break the panels on the door and jump out of the bus! Worried about my safety, he quickly braked and let me alight the bus. I dash to the bus stop and retrieve back my precious neoprint. -THE END- (no ending because I wake up crying. :S)

(I was really crying in real life when I "retrieved back my neoprint". When I woke up I realised my pillow's wet! LOL! I cried twice. The second time I cried because, I realised that how much my bf actually mean to me.)

To My Dearest Baby:

Without you, baby, my life is incomplete. Its empty. Its lonely. Its nothing. Its pitch-black. You are my oxygen, the only energy that keeps me moving and staying alive. You are my everything. I'm glad that I have you by my side. Without you I'm nothing and I have nothing. With you by my side, I feel complete, happy and xin-fu. All I want to tell you is.. I LOVE YOU! And please don't ever leave me. I'll not survive without you and your love! I LOVE YOU, BABY! *muacks*

*please play Mavis Fan's Oxygen/Yang Qi on your own LOL!*

氧气

作词：许常德　作曲：黄怡

沉入越来越深的海底　我开始想念你　我好孤寂

跌进越来越冷的爱里　我快不能呼吸　我想要你

人活着赖着一口氧气　氧气就是你

如果你爱我　你会来找我　你会知道我　快不能活

如果你爱我　你会来救我　空气很稀薄　因为寂寞

I cried. Because of U`

6:06 AM.