Yes bloggy, in case you didn't know about it..

Yes. My SPH (Self-Proclaimed Hubby) and I officially sign for "divorce" on 13th August 2006. Marking the end of our 1year8months5days long underground "marriage".

Honestly speaking, till now my heart still bleeds every day, every hour, every minute, in fact is every second. And I purposely make myself tired, shag, "lifeless" by making myself very very busy at work. Especially on weekends, where I do not have to work anymore, I'll do unnecessary things. Burying myself into tonnes of crappy stuffs. Why am I doing so? Reason is simple.. Cause' I couldn't sleep almost every night.. Everyday. Without myself miserably tired, both physical and mentally, it is almost impossible to sleep. Sigh.

I'm falling apart soon. I miss terribly, those days, I'm treated and spoilt like a baby.. Getting pat/strokings on the head like a little kitten/kid.. Being hugged like a teddy bear.. Getting attention from one, like a little princess.. Sweet, passionate kisses that will give you butterflies in your stomach, makes you feel as if you're flying into the bright blue sky.. Yeah. I really missed those happy days.

It is so tired putting a mask every day, at work and at home, in front of everyone. Sigh. Well. There's nothing I want or wish anymore. He's gone. And that's the fact. I've already choose to let him go, that's my decision. But, why do my heart still hurt so badly? Why?

Sooner or later, I'm going to die of lung cancer! Have been smoking at least 2/3 of the pack of ciggies everyday. Smoking doesn't seems to be able to help me forget the pain in my chest, my heart. Maybe I should go for drugs, or liquor, or maybe, maybe the sadistic ways. Slashing the blade on my wrists, using needles to poke or "tattoo" somewhere on my body. I need more pain! More pain to let my forget the pain I have in my heart! ARGH! I'm going crazy!!!!!!!

Sigh. Anyway, I just got the contact number of my long ago "crush". Ya, ya, ya. It's ZQ. =P Got to chat with him on the phone once so far. ;) He too, broke up with his GF after being together for 1year8months! Haha.. Such a coincidence! ;P

We chat on MSN too, he told me he's a jerk. For everything, I've done for him and he knew I like him alot last time. EEk! I'm made speechless by his words! Total lost of words! Haha. But anyway, that's all past. =)